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Gigantic Slurpee Controversy

On my lunch break I went into a particular 7-11 near my work and started to peruse the Slurpee cups-- yes it was time for a fix. The clerk was an unusually helpful lady who told me that, for a quite reasonable price, I could fill up one of their 52 ounce "insulated-keg-with-a-handle" type cups. How could I resist? The insulation would keep the thing cold ALL DAY, which I would definitely need if I was going to drink this whole supertanker full of frozen goo. I picked out a NASCAR keg, peeled off the shrink wrap, and proceeded to fill it with 52 ounces of Mountain Dew Slurpee. I was now holding the ultimate white-trash beverage in the entire universe.

It took me about 2 hours to drink it down, carefully avoiding the dreaded brainfreeze. I never did bother to eat any actual food for lunch that day, and I don't remember getting much work done either... this Slurpee was definitely in command. All I knew was that I better finish it before quitting time, otherwise I'd have to take it home strapped into the passenger seat, as my cupholder would die of fright just at the sight of this thing, a mighty beverage practically the size of a fire hydrant.

That weekend, when the sugar rush finally subsided, I wanted another one. I washed out my Nascar keg and headed this time to the local 7-11 near my house. I noticed this store didn't have any of the giant kegs, and I couldn't remember what the price had been, so I asked the clerk what it would cost to fill it with Slurpee.

"Oh nonononono, no sir no, you cannot put a Slurpee into such a cup." He said. He showed me a little fine-print writing on the keg that said "fountain beverage only". So the other clerk must have bent the rules a little, God bless her.

"Can't you just give me a price and I'll pay it?"

"No sir, I do not have a key on the register for such a transaction."

"Well then just charge me for a 32oz and a 20oz Slurpee. Wouldn't that be the same?" My case was airtight.

"No my friend, it is against policy to let you fill your own beverage cup. We cannot tell the amount of fluid that it holds." Now he was just being a jerk.

"But it's a 7-11 cup. See the logo? See the stamp that says 52 ounces?"

"Sir that promotion has expired, I cannot allow you to place the cup under the fountain."

So I said, "Fine, we'll do it your way." I filled two giant Slurpee cups with Cherry-Coke Slurpee (since they didn't have Mountain Dew), brought them to the register and paid for them. Then I slapped my keg down on the counter and dumped both Slurpees into it, with some spillage landing on the counter. My plastic silo of Slurpee had risen again! The clerk was speechless at the sight of the mighty, quivering tower of ice and syrup.

I gave him back the two sloppy leftover cups and reminded him to recycle.